Why You’re Not a Failure If You Have Debt
We need to talk about debt. Not just the interest rates and the repayment strategies, but the feelings that come with it.
Because here is the thing: having debt is incredibly common, but for some reason, we are still carrying so much shame about it.
In the She’s on the Money community, we hear this all the time. People whisper that they have a credit card balance they cannot seem to clear. That they took out a personal loan to cover expenses when life got hard. That they are still paying off their HECS debt from a degree they did not finish, or that Afterpay has quietly crept up on them.
And with those confessions often comes the same story:
"I feel like I’m behind."
"I feel like I’ve failed."
"I should know better."
"I should be further ahead by now."
So today, we want to say this very clearly: having debt does not make you a failure. It does not mean you are bad with money, irresponsible, lazy, or less worthy.
Debt is a situation. And situations can change.
Why We End Up in Debt
Let’s take a moment to unpack how so many of us end up here in the first place, because it is not as simple as "bad choices" or "lack of discipline," no matter what the internet might tell you.
1.We Were Never Taught How to Manage Money
This is a big one. Most of us were not given a financial education.
We might have learned algebra and Shakespeare at school, but not how compound interest works on a credit card. Not how to build an emergency fund. Not how to budget for life’s curveballs.
And if you grew up in a household where money was stressful, where debt was normalised, or where finances were never discussed? It is no surprise that adulthood felt like being thrown in the deep end.
2. Life Happens
Even if you are the most diligent budgeter, life throws curveballs. Debt is often the result of life events, not poor planning.
Common reasons people take on debt include:
☁️ Unexpected medical bills
☁️ Mental health challenges that make it hard to work
☁️ Family emergencies where you had to step in financially
☁️ Job loss or unstable income
☁️ The cost of studying or trying to improve your future prospects
☁️ A breakup that left you covering more than your share
☁️ Rising cost of living when your income does not keep up
And sometimes, it is not one big thing. It is death by a thousand cuts: the groceries got more expensive, your rent went up, an interest rate hike caught you off guard, and the credit card became a tool to bridge the gap.
3.The System is Designed This Way
Let’s be real: we live in a world that profits when people are in debt.
Buy-now-pay-later is advertised as fun and glamorous. Credit cards offer "points" and "rewards" without making the long-term costs clear. Personal loan ads promise to "help you live your best life."
And once you are in debt? Interest rates, fees, and confusing terms can make it incredibly hard to get out. The system was not built to support you. It was built to keep you paying.
Why Shame Keeps Us Stuck
Here is one of the hardest truths about debt: the shame around it often does more harm than the debt itself.
When we feel ashamed of our debt, we tend to:
🚫 Avoid looking at it
🚫 Ignore emails and statements
🚫 Put off making a plan
🚫 Feel too overwhelmed to start
It becomes this big, scary cloud hanging over us. And the more we avoid it, the harder it feels to face.
But here is the good news: you do not have to stay stuck.
What Actually Helps
Getting out of debt (or managing it in a way that feels safe and sustainable) starts with compassion, not shame.
You do not need to be perfect. You do not need to pay it all off tomorrow. You just need to take the next small step.
Here is what we recommend:
1.Acknowledge Your Debt Without Shame
Debt is just a number. It does not say anything about your intelligence, your worth, or your potential.
Start by reminding yourself: "I am not my debt. This is a situation I can work through."
2. Get the Full Picture
Knowledge is power. And often, what feels terrifying is actually much more manageable once it is on paper.
Write down:
✅ All your debts
✅ Interest rates
✅ Minimum repayments
✅ Any fees or charges
This gives you a clear starting point. No more guessing. No more avoiding.
3. Make a Plan You Can Live With
You do not need to go on a "beans and rice" diet or sacrifice your entire lifestyle. That is rarely sustainable.
What matters is consistency.
You might choose:
✨ The debt snowball (paying off the smallest debts first for momentum)
✨ The debt avalanche (paying off the highest interest debts first to save money)
✨ A simple extra payment plan (adding an extra $50 a month where you can)
Progress is progress. Tiny steps add up.
4. Separate Your Self-Worth From Your Net Worth
You are not your bank balance.
You are not your credit score.
You are not your debt.
You are a whole, valuable, worthy human being regardless of what you owe. Please do not let anyone (including your own inner critic) tell you otherwise.
You Are Already Doing Better Than You Think
If you have read this far, that tells us something really important: you care about your money.
You are paying attention. You are thinking about your next steps. You are trying. And that matters more than any number on a credit card statement.
Having debt does not make you a failure. It makes you human.
The goal is not perfection. It is progress. One step at a time. One choice at a time.
You’ve got this. And we are right here cheering you on. 💛
